A Bag For My Head
March 28th, 2007 by FiddledeedeeWarning: if you’re squeamish or depressed, you may want to move on to another blog.
I’d been feeling a little frumpy and housewifey. Maybe it’s that I haven’t put on anything that required zipping and tucking. We spend a lot of time at home and frankly I’ve been lounging about in my stretch pants and big t-shirts. It’s easy to let yourself go, I suppose. I needed to touch up my roots for about a week, or a month. And I hadn’t gone near a tube of lipstick in far too long.
I didn’t think I could look worse. But then came The Pimple. In my eyebrow. Who gets a pimple in their eyebrow? Not even during the acne heyday of my teenage angst did I ever get a pimple in my eyebrow.
And it hurt, too.
You know the kind of pimple I’m talking about. The kind that you feel deep down in your pores, and you know you can’t rest until you take two fingernails and SQUEEZE THE PUSTULE until it makes a popping sound and ends up on the bathroom mirror. Only then will you be satisfied. And then you have to wear a flesh colored Band-Aid on your face to hide the fact that you now have a gaping hole where your left cheek used to be. But it was totally worth it. Except that you’re going to meet your future in-laws that night, only you have no idea they are going to be your future in-laws because you and their son are “just friends” but still, you always want to put on your best face, as it were. And you’re hoping above all hopes that no one notices the flesh colored bandage on your face, but really, WHO COULD MISS IT BECAUSE OF ALL THE BRUISING ALL AROUND IT, from, you know, the pinching. And your future husband notices it and suggests in front of your future in-laws and other assorted friends that you’ve “been picking your zits again, haven’t you?”
And he’s just lucky that he ever got promoted from “just friends” to husband after that.
Where was I? Oh, The Pimple in my eyebrow. And so the next morning you wake up and your whole eye is nearly swollen closed. Well that’s just great. I’m frumpy with roots and I look like Rocky Balboa. Starring in Rocky 10. Then your husband takes a good long lingering look at The Pimple and announces that it looks to him like a boil. “A boil? Isn’t that what really old people get on their buttocks?” At this point you just lose all sense of decorum and you sigh, and mutter, “I’m a butthead.”
And then your period starts. A week early. And you get those cramps that make you want to reach in and remove your own uterus.
Sometimes, when you’re in the midst of a little personal crisis, it’s just hard to find the humor in the situation. It’s times like these when I’m awfully thankful for wide brimmed hats, big sunglasses, chocolate, Motrin, friends who understand, and especially Jesus who loves me just like I am. Pimples and all.
Posted in My Life as I See It | 72 Comments »
March 28th, 2007 at 2:53 am
Uhm. I’m a little freaked out by how accurately you described the whole pimple thing. Except you missed the part where, once you’re married, you save it for your spouse to squeeze, cause I’m unselfish like that.
And really? It turned into a boil? I’m so sad for you, cause that really hurts, doesn’t it? And I’ve overused the question marks again.
Have you been peeking at my roots?
And that whole period business…I’m really mad at my gyno, who decided that not having a period was not. good. at. all. and gave me an RX to make it come back. Evil witch.
March 28th, 2007 at 6:01 am
Good thing that those Willy Wonka, freakishly huge sunglasses are in style again, … Just not quite big enough for my face these days, I need a pair that reach my chiny chin chin.
March 28th, 2007 at 6:06 am
I feel the exact same way every time I have to buy acne cream and wrinkle cream in the same shopping trip. What gives?
PS: I’ve had one of those eyebrow pimples and they hurt like a sonuvagun – but not as much as The Pimple in the Ear! Gah!
March 28th, 2007 at 6:07 am
These are the days I am glad the computer is a one way thing and no one can really see just how bad I look.
Boils…ummm…sadly I can relate and once again am glad the computer goes one way.
Motrin and chocolate and a dark room work for me.
And Jesus. He’s the best.
Feel better.
March 28th, 2007 at 6:52 am
LOL!!! You can take ANYTHING and make people laugh about it!!! Hope you feel better…
Cure for zits(even in eyebrows) use stick deodorant on it. Sounds weird but it works, you just have to decide whether you want to use it for the zits or pits.
March 28th, 2007 at 7:30 am
Aw! I hope your boil goes away soon. I’ve had a few of them, but none on my face yet.
Take care!
March 28th, 2007 at 7:32 am
You make me laugh out loud and gag all the same time- and I mean that as a compliment!
March 28th, 2007 at 7:39 am
Oh my word…CAN’T. STOP. LAUGHING…
March 28th, 2007 at 8:36 am
That was YOU peeking in my windows last week, wasn’t it?
Hope you’re feeling on top of things again soon. It will get better.
March 28th, 2007 at 8:49 am
OK, Where did you put the cameras at in my home?????
March 28th, 2007 at 9:42 am
This is me – agreeing with everyone else!
I am amazed and thankful that you can take such frustrating little events and evoke laughter.
Know what drives me nuts, though? When I’ve just cleaned the mirror and “someone” doesn’t wipe off the puss they just liberated!!!
March 28th, 2007 at 10:00 am
Consider me a friend who DEFINATELY understands – and who would bring lots of chocolate to share if I just lived a little closer!
March 28th, 2007 at 10:06 am
Honestly, I am glad there are people like you brave enough to share your sad, sad (yet funny) stories so that my life doesn’t seem quite so bad!!!! Well, perhaps it is equally bad, after all my roots are being handled on Satruday and what is up with this adult acne anyway? It certainly isn’t related to a cycle because I don’t even have a uterus anymore!
March 28th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Time for a day (minute, hour) at the spa and a good book… I’m totally with you, sistah!
March 28th, 2007 at 11:39 am
I had a pimple in my eyebrow last week. Wow. I thought I was the only one.
(and you’ve been tagged
March 28th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
I’ll be right over with a can of frosting (not from my trash~a brand new one!) and two spoons. Aww heck, we can just use our fingers! And I promise not to say~Have A Happy Period!
I want to keep you as a friend!
Hope you feel better soon friend!
Love, Amy
March 28th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Man…that is the nastiest thing I’ve heard in a LOOOOONG time! My abs are killing me! You’ve got to stop writing like this or I might not make it! You are definitely on a roll!
March 28th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
lol. gross but you hit it on the head! pun intended
the good news is, you can change outfits, touch up your roots and the pimple will be gone before you know it. happy pms week!
March 28th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Oooooohhh. So that’s why teenagers are wearing Jackie O. sunglasses now! I was wondering why!
Thanks for clearing that up for me!
March 28th, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Watch out. Shingles are coming next.
March 28th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
I’m sorry…but I’m ROLLIN’ over here!! I can so relate…but you are just too funny…I love coming over here! Hope there’s someone YOU read that blessed you like you bless me…’cause you deserve a laugh that ISN’T at your expense…but yours are priceless..
Father, bless my sister in unexpected ways today…and heal that pimple/boil/sore spot…hold her close, dear Jesus…amen
March 28th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
similar to the feeling you get when you pluck a stray hair from your cheek, and get a pimple in that spot. Like, is the choice the stray hair or the pimple?
I also want to remove my uterus at times – that was last week though.
here from Rocks In My Dryer … will be back
March 28th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Too accurate for comfort over here. I’ve so been there, roots and all. May Jesus wrap His loving arms around you and remind you He made you just the way you are. He sees you as His beautiful bride regardless of the temporary “pustules”.
I have caught my breath now. Your writing is fabulous.
March 28th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Funny! God is just preparing you (or keeping you up-to-date) on how to deal with teenagers once yours hit that mark
(I’m trying to be positive here)
March 28th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
The ultimate cruelty in life is acne, wrinkles, gray hair and cramps – all at the same time
March 28th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
I think you are a much better woman than me. I would be responding to this by hiding in bed with chocolate…..
March 28th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Awww… I’m totally feeling your pain over here. Wishing I could give you some more chocolate and Motrin.
J. Fergie is right though… get your roots done, put on something that zips (or at least buttons) and a stylish pair of sunglasses and go out for a chocolate shake! Hold tight to Jesus – This, too, shall pass.
Bless you, sister!
March 28th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I know you did not just call yourself a butthead.
I guess that’s better than your husband calling you one
Good luck with the boil/uterus/happy fun times at your house!!
(You do know I’m feeling truly sorry for you though, right? I’m laughing through my pain for you!!)
March 28th, 2007 at 2:44 pm
I want to warn you to go to the doctor. My (then-boyfriend) husband had a pimple above his eyebrow that did a similar thing and he ended up needing antibiotics because it became a soft tissue infection, when the fluid drained into his eye/sinus area.
Still, your account of the whole thing is rather funny. After 9 years, my husband still does not laugh about his days imitating the elephant man.
March 28th, 2007 at 2:56 pm
You are so funny! I can’t stop laughing at your BOIL.
Go get yourself a pair of those gigantoid sunglasses, they should work!
March 28th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
absolutely HIL-arious!
March 28th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
I get pimples in my eyebrow all the time. They are the absolute WORST!
This was a great and funny read! Thanks for the laugh!
March 28th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Hey, you accomplished something exceedingly rare – you made me laugh out loud, right here at work, so that everyone wondered what in the world I was doing. Good job! I’m often amused by the blogs I read, but it almost never escapes through my normally tight-lipped muzzle. Thank you.
March 28th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Girl, you have FOUND THE HUMOR! ROFL!
March 28th, 2007 at 4:21 pm
ROTFL!! Oh, you poor thing
.
March 28th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
You described the whole pimple thing way too well! I love it! Although right now I’m almost 7 months pregnant and the acne is staying away, thank goodness! I’m just swelling and gaining weight
March 28th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
I would think of something clever to comment, but my sides hurt from all the laughing.
March 28th, 2007 at 4:58 pm
You have no idea how I needed that
March 28th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Great laugh!
(You actually have an infected hais follicle!)
March 28th, 2007 at 5:16 pm
hair*
March 28th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
The painful pimple.
I am so so so sorry. But, did you at least take a picture of it, for us, your loving and devoted readers?
March 28th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
Oh, thank you. And when did you climb inside my head?! It’s funny ’cause it’s true…
Steph
March 28th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
I get them in my eyebrows and I wondered the exact same thing… but I thought that it was just me….
March 28th, 2007 at 6:33 pm
HEY! I have the brow-zit right now, too! Was just discussing its hugeness with girlfriends this afternoon! Thankfully for me, it doesn’t seem to have gone assy. Poor you. Thanks for making me giggle, though!
March 28th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
You have given me a reason to be GLAD that I am OLD. No pimples … just wild hairs, no roots … it’s just gray, and best of all … no periods. See, now don’t you feel better? Something to look forward to.
March 28th, 2007 at 7:02 pm
i’ve gotten several in my eyebrows lately too… and reading from the comments there seems to be an eyebrow pimple phenomenon going on. SOOOO glad to be a part of it, ’cause I really like being part of the “in crowd”.
blessings,
Karla
March 28th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
Ooo, it’s those pimples under the NOSE that are the WORST! But eyebrow ones hurt, too. Sounds like a winner of a day for you! Hope it gets/got better.
March 28th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Oh my! I could host a whole ‘nother blog on zip poppin’.
I’m sending Hot Hubby a link to this post, so he won’t think I’m the only zit-poppin’ freak in the world. Not that you’re a freak, really… it’s just that I am & it would be great if HH thought you were one as well. You don’t mind, do you?? I mean, since he doesn’t really know you??
And since we’re kind of on a gross subject, I must say that this was so funny I blew a little snot out of my nose trying to stifle my laughter!
TMI??!! Sorry!
March 28th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
And he’s just lucky that he ever got promoted from “just friends” to husband after that.
Oh my goodness!!!! Girl you got me on this one, I had to go buy some depends !
March 28th, 2007 at 9:08 pm
I never though that total repulsion and laughter till I peed my pants would ever happen simultaneously. Thanks for the thrill!
Gayle
March 28th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I’m almost embarrassed to admit it, but it’s too ironic to pass up. And I can honestly say I’ve been there.
I, too, had (what turned out to be) an eyebrow zit recently, and it was with me for WEEKS! It was there so long that I made an appt. with my dermatologist because I thought it was something that needed to be removed. It went away–we’ll just say that I took care of it–and I just cancelled my appt. I didn’t even give an explanation–I was waaaay too embarrassed!
There…I shared it. With the whooooole blogosphere!
March 28th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
And you get those cramps that make you want to reach in and remove your own uterus.
*********
Oh BTDT!! Sorry to laugh at your pain but the whole pimple thing had me cracking up!
March 28th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Wow you just can’t make that stuff up either….too funny! Seriously I wish I was only half as funny as you are…I’m a funny wanna be but you know without the eyebrow pimple
Laura
March 29th, 2007 at 4:11 am
LOL!…..Butthead…..:)
March 29th, 2007 at 8:08 am
Oh my lands… This is me on an average day, especially if you pick a day when I’m about to start my period. Buttons and zippers are to be found no where near my body at that time, mainly because I can’t fit into them.
And the zit in the eyebrow? Oh, I’m sorry to welcome you to my world. But the bonus is that the eyebrow can actually hide it. At least that’s what I tell myself.
March 29th, 2007 at 10:09 am
It’s all true! You are hilarious and so so so much fun to read.
Thanks too for the visit to the blog and for the email.
I appreciate your tremendous gift to write and inspire.
You da best!
March 29th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
That is hilarious! Sad thing is, it wouldn’t be so darn funny if we hadn’t all been there, right?!
March 29th, 2007 at 2:37 pm
This will sound weird, but I almost enjoy getting a poppable pimple…for some reason, it makes a great stress-reliever for me. My Honey won’t let me near his though, which isn’t fair, because he gets ever so many more than I do!
March 29th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
I think that the only thing that would have made this worse was if it was your birthday – and it was mine yesterday – and I was PMS’ing, but I must admit that I was missing the pimple in the eyebrow.
You are so funny – thanks for the laugh!
March 29th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Hi, Tex. Just read your meme. I’m in Mineral Wells…not so far from Fort Worth.
March 29th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
You are hilarious! Thanks for making real life humorous.
March 29th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Been there, done that. Every month at least once… (except the in-laws part). My in-laws hated me for a long time. They tollerate me now.
March 29th, 2007 at 7:19 pm
This post and the long line of comments illustrates the power of storytelling….
…and the power of a great storyteller!
March 30th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
ooooh i LOVE it that you wrote all that. i AM depressed, but it was just perfect to read, anyway! ha!
March 30th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
This I like. Thanks for the laugh.
By the way, my little monster’s name is Delaney and we call her DeeDee all the time….
Jamie
April 1st, 2007 at 6:31 pm
I could not stop laughing – which is bad when there is a baby attached to you trying to feed.
April 2nd, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Hey, there. This is one of “those days’ over here. I actually have one of those horrible cheek zits. And a goose bit me. Yeah. A goose. A stupid feral goose. Who gets bit by a goose, anyway? Me. Apparently.
April 2nd, 2007 at 7:20 pm
That was just too funny….Rocks in my Dryer was right to send people here. Thanks for making us laugh at something that most of us have been through at one time or another!
p.s. I’m dealing with a very early period this week, too…ugh!
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:24 am
I really just don’t know what to say to this. It’s disturbing on so many levels… hee hee!
June 19th, 2007 at 6:28 am
Another winner. Disturbing yet perfect.
July 7th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Oh my goodness. I’ve been reading some of your past entries, and I just have to say….YOU MAKE ME LAUGH! Can you come on over some day, we’ll let the kids all play and we can chat over diet coke? I’m enjoying reading your blog, and I’ll be back again and again!
(Oh, and I hope that boil healed up nicely).
June 30th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
This is belated but so funny! The kids were asking what i was laughing at.